Now that I am settling into married life, which in some ways is no different, yet in other ways is unmistakably more profound, I am trying to get back on track with life instead of being captive to mass wedding hysteria. Most of which was self-inflicted thanks to the fact we planned it in about 7 weeks.
So I just wanted to share a few more things to think about, like you don’t have enough going on in your head already!
Either forget about it being “your day” or become completely stubborn, selfish and ruthless and really make it “your day”. A lot of people are involved in your wedding day, your groom for a start so maybe thinking along the lines of “our day” is a good starting point when it comes to sacrificing certain things. He probably doesn’t want to wear the pink tie that matches your bridesmaids dresses, but maybe he will be more receptive if you too show a willing attitude when it comes to inviting great aunts or doing a crazy first dance. You are starting life together so you may as well start compromising right now. When it comes to all the other influences, his family and yours, everyone will have a say and opinion so just be firm on the important things and try go with the flow on everything else.
The guest list – if you haven’t argued about this, then I am guessing you eloped. A constant source of contention for most couples about to wed – annoying friends, embarrassing family members, hardly know them Joes, there will probably be people you disagree on. If you trying to keep it small because of finances, be fair and be prepared to compromise. If not then the more the merrier right? Between you two, you will work it out and it won’t be the end of the world if one or two are there who you’d prefer not, just look at all the people who are on the list that you are going to love sharing the day with.
Don’t bore your groom with the details. He is definitely happy about the wedding, he loves you and cannot wait to marry you. But he can’t picture the little gift bags that are perched on driftwood wrapped in burnt taffeta silk ribbons. Chances are he doesn’t know a daffodil from a dahlia and unless you are requesting an unusual colour scheme he will probably be happy with whatever you choose for the rest of the bridal party to wear. Whether the bridesmaid dresses are strapless, spaghetti straps or halter neck and anything else girly like this, should be saved for discussing with your bridesmaids. Even if he seems enthusiastic about all of this, it does eventually get boring when the bride is still obsessing over and questioning every small detail for hours and hours on end. Just because it is at the forefront of your mind doesn’t mean it needs to be discussed so 24/7.
These days it’s not so unheard of to have your own children at your wedding. In our case, both are ours and both are still very small so it was quite straightforward. In other cases one may have kids, the other becoming a step parent. Decide how you want them to be involved and let them know you thoughts. Hopefully they are open to your ideas but I can imagine that some flexibility and sensitivity is required. Our little girl kept telling us it was her wedding, and she did virtually steal the show in the outstanding dress she wore from Pink Posie Couture. With only 11 months between them, her younger but not so little brother also had the guests welling up as they each walked hand in hand with a bridesmaid. If your children are young, its essential that you have someone else watching them throughout the course of the day / night as you will want to be enjoying it with your new husband and not be worrying if they need a nappy change or new source of entertainment.
Try do you own music. Especially if you already love it and have a good idea of all different genres. It’s not as hard as you think, and you can spend a lot of money on something else by eliminating the DJ. Now don’t get me wrong, music was one of the important things in our budget, but both of us love music and can put a playlist together so we thought we’d try. We searched online, listened to tracks, read peoples music wedding lists and got the ideas for the main songs – bridal entry, ceremony music, post ceremony music. Each of those went into a playlist titled when it was to play – Playlist one – Play 15 mins before ceremony, Playlist two – Bridal entry, Playlist three – Whilst signing the register, and so forth. Then for the dancing there were different playlists. Everything from a playlist for dinner music, golden oldies, hip hop, top 40 hits, etc. There was someone keeping track of the music but ultimately a lot of guests ended up choosing what they wanted to hear too, and it was easy for them to choose song titles from specific playlists. If you think it’s something you can do yourself because you know music and what people like to hear then it is worth a try but if you can’t name songs easily or would struggle to think of things to play maybe it’s not for you.
And finally stop and breath. Often. When you think its all getting too much, stop and think about this person you are going to marry and what this wedding is all really about. Make sure you don’t lose focus on the married part whilst planning the wedding part. It’s just the celebration of what is to come and the future is full of promise so just look at the bigger picture. Stop, breathe and relax before the ceremony. Take a moment to take it all in. You are getting married today. Take deep breaths on the drive there, take another one before you walk in. You should feel relaxed and happy you are right here right now. The occasion passes by in a flash so they all say, so just stop often and take the moment in, look at everyone smiling and happy for you, look at your handsome husband and treasure that moment right there.
And just when you think all is said and done, don’t forget about your suppliers the next day. I’d suggest delegating someone to do all the returning of hired equipment, we didn’t think about that and extra costs when the wedding is over is annoying. We decided to continue the party into the next day and ignored the fact the sound and lighting had to be returned; only to incur extra charges when we did take it back late. Our only consolation was that at least we made use of it for the two days.
Cheers on that!